I ponder this, looking at the forest surrounding the highway. This year winter has lingered. Indeed, warming is becoming more noticeable. I glance at the driver. A few days ago, he told me about his problems. His field looked very bad. His wife and child were going through a powerful self-destruction program, and he was the cause.
-You look unwell, I say to him.
-Confess, what happened in your family?
There was a long pause. Then he gathered his courage and admitted:
-I fell in love and wanted to leave my family. Things have been bad with my wife for a long time, and I was drawn to an online acquaintance. I met a very beautiful woman and couldn't control my feelings. She's married, but had quarreled with her husband and wasn't communicating. This is her second husband, whom she divorced her first husband for. So, as soon as I decided to leave my family, she began to doubt our relationship and confessed everything to her husband. And now my soul is in complete chaos. I don't know whether to divorce or not.
-Do you want to be buried with honors? I asked.
-Are you serious? He asked, surprised.
-Serious, but first name the woman you met.
-When I looked at her field, I saw exactly what I expected. A victim always finds a criminal. You internally worship women and female beauty. Huge internal attachment creates claims, offenses, and jealousy. If a man internally worships a woman too much, he is usually given strong feelings not immediately, so he does not perish. Worship is passion, not love. And such a man is usually given strong passion when he already has a wife and children. This gives him a chance to maintain distance and overcome passion and worship.
The mistress must be very attractive but not very decent and must, willingly or unwillingly, humiliate his feelings - either be married or have increased internal aggressiveness. Your chosen one is a real 'sanitary of the forest', a destroyer of men. If a woman takes a man away from someone, it means increased passion and focus on her desires. It's like bewitching. It's unlikely she'll have a normal family life with such a husband, and worshiping desires will make her increasingly aggressive. Such women are usually divorced or widows.
-So what should I do now? He asks.
-First, by no means suppress the feeling of love. Second, do not be offended by this woman. The fact that she reconciled with her husband and told him everything is the salvation of your life. You followed passion and began to worship it. And imperceptibly, you began killing true love in the soul. If you had divorced your wife and married this woman, I think you wouldn't have lasted a few months. So now immediately flowers for your wife, ice cream for the children. And more compliments to your wife because she's having a tough time now. If a man behaves incorrectly, has the wrong worldview, he overwhelms his wife and children.
Tango is danced by two.
Man and woman are like mountaineers tied together. And each can destroy or save the other with their behavior. You will still be drawn to this woman, and this feeling cannot be suppressed. But know that it can kill you if you don't turn passion into love and overcome internal worship of women. That you have now avoided death does not mean that you can cheat your fate. If you don't want to change, they'll deal with you unexpectedly and mercilessly from above. This conversation, which took place a few days ago, now comes to mind. The patient confidently drives the car towards the airport building in the distance.
-You know, after our conversation, I almost died. First, my kidneys hurt terribly, and I could hardly move. Then it became difficult to breathe. A week before this, I had my lungs checked, and everything was perfect. But then I felt like I had a severe pneumonia. Then problems with the genitourinary function started. I realized I was dying. I went to bed thinking: 'If it pleases God, I'll die and accept it.' But the next morning I got up absolutely healthy. The body works like a clock. What was it?' he asks, looking at me questioningly.
I spread my arms and smiled:
-Sins enter with pleasure and leave with pain. You timely turned off the road leading nowhere, and the problems that accumulated managed to escape without taking your life with them. If this process had been prolonged, purification would have come through death or through long and painful illnesses.
Love is the goal we strive for. Let's imagine we need to climb to a landing. To do this, we must pass twenty steps. In love, these steps look like this: the ability to care for each other, in a quarrel not to allow a system of who hits harder, on the contrary, to endure pain and come to a common solution. The next step is the ability to work, to give energy. Another is never to allow harsh words towards a loved one, then - to educate yourself and another, etc.
If you are waiting for a guest, you need to prepare a room for him; if you want to grow an apple tree, you need to prepare the soil for it; if you want love to come, you need to prepare yourself for this love.
The interaction between a man and a woman is a continuous struggle, conflict that pushes towards finding new levels of unity. A true woman must turn to God in her soul, not to a loved one. Many women think that love is gone if the husband becomes sexually unattractive. But a true woman loves at all levels. She loves at the Divine level, looking at her husband as a child who needs to be continuously loved, often educated, and sometimes punished. More precisely, this is the parental level, and the Divine - is continuous love that depends on nothing.
Besides Divine and maternal love, she has a feeling of friendship towards a man. He is first a friend to her, and then a sexual partner. A woman should be gentle and unyielding, should reign in the details and yield in the main, be a dove and a snake simultaneously. Such a woman does not seek revenge, does not regret, and does not envy; in her, tenderness and courage, kindness, and strictness are combined. The opposites that rage in her are constantly balanced by love. She is multifaceted and harmonious, not only able to love herself but also teaches this to a man, helping him become kinder and more noble. She demands protection, courage, and sacrifice from a man, giving him not only pleasure but also pain, and teaches him to endure, forgive, and love.
The car approaches the airport terminal. We say goodbye. I go to registration with my things. And now I sit in the airplane cabin and look out the porthole. November is ending. The sky is overcast, but my soul is joyful.
I remember my first visit to Israel.
I was told that in Jerusalem there is a shrine revered by Jews, Christians, and Muslims - the Western Wall. It has survived from the times when monotheism arose and began to develop in these places. People coming from all over the world approach the Western Wall, press their faces to it, and insert notes with their wishes into the cracks between the stones. These wishes are sure to come true. I didn't have a pen or pencil with me. I pressed my palms and cheek to the wall and turned to God with one request - to help me learn to love. I think my wish will come true sooner or later.
S. N. Lazarev, «Diagnostics of Karma», book 12
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