Forgiveness is Self-Development

«Let’s think logically,» I suggested. «There have never been perfect people among us, and there never will be.

But all of us—whether physically, spiritually, or emotionally bent, deaf, blind, or crippled—are destined to come to God.

What we don’t know today, we will learn tomorrow. The one who insulted you today, in their essence, still remains Divine.

And in human terms, they will become better—if not today, then tomorrow; if not tomorrow, then in a month.

The body’s evolution ends and decays, but the evolution of the inner realms continues.»

Therefore, look at a person as a child who doesn’t know how to love today but will learn in time.

And the best way to help them grow is to change yourself, for by changing ourselves, we change the world around us and those close to us.

Since the process of growth through self-change is quite long, we can also include a second aspect of nurturing.

That is, to assist the other person in their development: sometimes encouraging, sometimes restraining.

The process of educating or changing another person is inseparably linked with our own transformation.

And now, for me, forgiveness means this: acceptance and recognition of Divine will in what has happened, maintaining love for the one who hurt you.

Or, more precisely, for the one through whom purification was given; a readiness to change oneself and to help the other person change for the better.

I want to emphasize once again: we feel hurt by those from whom we expect something.

The more I expect from another person, the greater my despair and hurt will be if I don’t get it.

Expectation is dependency.

The more we depend on human happiness, the less love we have, and the more hurt and pain we feel.

Thus, the less you focus on demands, grievances, and expectations, the faster your husband will transform from a store clerk, from whom you demand something because you’ve «paid,» into a child from whom you expect nothing, understanding that the giving of love, attention, and care is already a great happiness.

And then, in any pain he causes you, you will not see his wrongdoing, but your own imperfection.

And then any pain will not drive you toward destruction—toward judgment, resentment, or revenge—but toward creation, love, forgiveness, and your own transformation.

P.S. Forgiving another means preserving love not only for them but also for yourself.

As long as we are slaves to human happiness, we will need to trample on someone—either others or ourselves.

S. N. Lazarev, «Diagnosis of Karma, Book 8»