God does not give trials beyond one's strength
I am 21 years old. I got acquainted with your research at the age of 12 and since then I have been reading all your books.
Thank you for the light you have brought into my life. I am writing to you because I can't cope myself.
About myself... My mom wanted to have an abortion but couldn't find a doctor and then changed her mind. My father cheated on my mom when she was eight months pregnant and my mom got drunk, got into some dark story and spent some time in a detention center.
I was a quiet child and very devout, though no one taught me that. There was also a tendency to masturbate; it remains now, but to a lesser extent.
My father drank, but I loved him. On the female side of the family we have many abortions, three suicides and schizophrenics.
After my father died, I had a stepfather who drank and smashed everything in sight. I suffered a lot of humiliation. From the age of 12 I smoked, drank, was a toxicomaniac. My mom gave birth to a brother by my stepfather and then was in a mental hospital three times.
At 17, I met my first love and contracted HIV. Five years so far. I've had sex since I was 15. There were a lot of them - mostly under the influence of alcohol. I had an abortion when I was 19.
All this I have written to you in order for you to see that our family is dying out along two lines with me. I have been trying to change for many years, and it is accompanied by great pain. True, there is joy too, but it is less.
I have one question for you: am I making any progress, or am I kidding myself?
Respectfully...
A person is like a tree — I often use this metaphor. A person has a soul, spirit (consciousness), and body. The soul is like the roots: it's not visible, but everything depends on its condition. Consciousness is secondary to the soul; it's like the trunk of a tree. And our bodies are like leaves, which periodically fall off.
If the roots of a tree are invisibly damaged, it may look fine for a while, but then the leaves wither, and the tree dies. If the crown or trunk is damaged, the tree can survive. Jesus Christ said that we should fear not those who kill the body but those who kill the soul: «And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul.»
How is the soul damaged? By an incorrect system of priorities. If we believe that leaves are more important than the trunk and roots because they are higher and more visible, or if we think that the trunk is more important than the roots and ignore them, then root disease begins. In this case, a tree that looks magnificent in the present is already doomed to decay and death in the future.
Reviving and restoring the soul begins with restoring the correct system of priorities. When we realize that the soul is the most important, when we remember the biblical lines that the soul came from God, that God breathed the soul into the first human, then we understand that we communicate with God through our soul, through the sense of love. Then we understand: our true self is Divine, and when we renounce love, we destroy our true self.
A person harms their soul when they prioritize bodily or spiritual pleasures. When happiness lies in satisfying the body or mind but not in developing love (qualities such as mercy, compassion, kindness, a sense of dignity), when a person concentrates on external pleasures, it leads to problems.
What is the meaning of fasting and asceticism? To renounce external happiness and experience inner happiness.
Christ said that during fasting, we should be happy, not pretend to be sorrowful, as the Pharisees did: «When you fast, do not look gloomy like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces that their fasting may be seen by others.»
For the Pharisees, fasting was a torment, suffering that they endured only out of love and respect for God. But Christ explained that during fasting, a person should be happy. We must detach ourselves from external happiness to experience true, profound happiness, which unites us with God.
Why did your mother have mental problems, and why did she get into a criminal situation? Why did so much misfortune befall your family?
The point is, a person with heightened pride cannot accept Divine help in the form of humiliation of external happiness. This humiliation appears as losses, illnesses, offenses, injustice, betrayals, etc.
The further a person strays from God, the more their soul turns away from God, the more they worship external forms of happiness, crawling before pleasures and stability. And the more aggressively a person behaves when they start to lose this external happiness.
The higher a person's pride, the less chance they have of passing the test and purifying the soul. The more aggressively they behave, rejecting help from above, the more hatefully they react to the adversities given to them by the surrounding world, the heavier the consequences will be.
God is the source of everything; God is love. God loves us and always helps us; every situation is directed towards salvation, development, and preservation of love in the soul; everything that happens has a higher meaning; everything is aimed at our well-being, but primarily at the well-being of the soul, not the body or spirit. However difficult the situation may be, if a person understands all this, then on a subtle plane, they have essentially solved their problems and overcome their sins.
All our illnesses, misfortunes, degradation, decay are the result of sin, i.e., incorrect feelings, incorrect behavior. A person who moves away from God rather than towards Him begins to suffer and die. But when a person realizes that returning to God is salvation and happiness, when a person begins to feel that love for God and unity with Him is as vital as the need for air, then they recover.
The main thing is to maintain the correct system of priorities, to see Divine will in everything, and to understand that God is love. The main thing is not to give up love in the soul, whatever happens. Everything else will follow.
S. N. Lazarev, «Recipe for Happiness»
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