Learning to love

Reader's question:

«I can't seem to cope with ideals. I want to love a man for his spirituality and beauty. I've tried everything. It's stuck firmly.»

*****

Sergei Nikolaevich's response:

If you want to love a man for his spirituality and beauty, then love him to your heart's content. You can also love him because he's sexy and wealthy. You can love him because he has a good job and he's strong and intelligent. You can love him because he's kind. You can love him because he knows how to love. Because his love is independent of anything else. Just make sure your feeling of love has a priority system.

Let me ask you, would you love the jacket left behind by your beloved man when he went to work? You might have warm feelings towards this jacket, but you probably wouldn't call it love.

You'd say you like this jacket, that you enjoy looking at it, that it brings you joy to hold it in your hands, that you feel happy remembering that your beloved person wore this jacket.

But if your man replaces this jacket with another one, will your love die? And how will you feel about the new jacket? At first, probably indifferent, because it won't be associated with your beloved person, but then, when an association is formed, you'll transfer a part of your love to this new jacket. No matter what or whom we love, in reality, we love the Creator.

And a part of our love for Him, we give to the soul of a person - like to a garment that is worn most often. Then - to the spirit, the consciousness of the person. This shell is worn only briefly - just one lifetime.

Another portion of love is spent on the body of the beloved person. But the body deteriorates and is replaced every 7 years on average. And a part of love can even be transferred to a jacket that a loved one changes every 2-3 years. But no matter what or whom we love, in reality, we love God in everything. It's just that there's more divinity in the soul than in a jacket. And naturally, we should love the whole more than the part.

The thing is, our feeling of love follows the main direction of our life. If material things are your priority, you'll love the rich man. And then he'll lose his money.

If it's about beauty and sexuality, he'll grow old and become impotent.

If spiritual values ​​are your priority, you'll love the intelligent, strong-willed, capable man. And you'll turn him into a lazy, fool, and failure.

If the soul is your priority and you love a man for being kind, soft, and caring, you'll turn him into a rigid, selfish, and soulless person.

But if your beloved person becomes a means for love towards God, if you love the divine, eternal part of his soul more than the transient, human part, then your beloved will be kind, intelligent, beautiful, and prosperous.

To achieve this, you first need to learn to love. Follow the commandments. Fulfill your desires - and restrain yourself. Forgive and sacrifice. Educate with firmness and softness. Feel the lack of love in your soul every fraction of a second and strive for it.

When this process gains momentum in your subconscious and becomes established on its own, then even if on the external, conscious level you only love for spirituality and beauty, your love for the person won't die. And accordingly, you won't have to answer for this murder.

S.N. Lazarev, «Parenting. Answers to Questions»