Live with your heart. Love selflessly. Believe sincerely

Back pain is usually a deep-seated resentment toward a close person, oneself, or fate.

If the scale of resentment is large, it can lead to a curvature of the spine, fractures, or even the formation of a hump.

Resentment toward your fate is especially dangerous, so you should pray for yourself and your family to release the feelings of resentment, dissatisfaction with yourself, your situation, and your fate.

A close, beloved person is given by fate and by God, and strong resentment toward them is also resentment toward both fate and God.

Therefore, in prayer and repentance, you can ask for the release of resentment from your soul and the souls of your descendants, not only toward close people but also toward fate.

Release the contempt towards men.

In your third life, you idolized your husband. He was your «light in the window. Everything about him fascinated you, and you indulged in your love for him. Gradually, your main point of support shifted to his human form.

The less Divine a woman sees in the world around her and in her beloved, the more her love ties him to the purely human.

As a result, he either dies, falls ill, or his character deteriorates, and he loses the qualities she idolized in him.

If she loved him for his wealth, poverty comes; if for his intelligence and capabilities, he becomes foolish and unsuccessful; if she loved him for his integrity and nobility, he becomes a scoundrel and a villain.

The more rigidly a woman refuses to accept the flaws in her husband’s humanity, the worse his condition becomes.

Your attachment to ideals exceeds the critical level by 5–7 times, which is why there is a deep and powerful undercurrent of dissatisfaction with anything that doesn't align with your ideals.

Alcoholism is an illness. It restrains the deep aggression in a woman, just as cancer, psoriasis, and other diseases would.

But the cause is never in one person alone.

Your aggression «pierces» your husband because in two past lives, he held contempt and arrogance toward those he considered spiritually and intellectually inferior.

However, his capacity to change himself is about 30–40%. Yours, by contrast, is 60–70%. By deeply changing yourself and praying for your descendants, you will also help your husband.

But it’s not enough to simply release any dissatisfaction with your husband and pray for him through your descendants. You also need to change your attitude toward the world around you.

What is attachment to ideals? It’s the desire to see the people around you and the world as matching a certain image. Since this image exists in the mind, it is static. Consciousness, by its very structure, is static.

So, if we try to conform the world to a picture drawn in our mind, development comes to a complete halt.

From the very first moments, a discrepancy arises between the imagined picture and reality, leading to aggression as an attempt to protect the crumbling image.

But how do we dream and plan in this case?

Every dream and plan we have stems from a desire for comfort and pleasure.

The highest comfort and pleasure is the feeling of love in the soul. Therefore, we dream not with thoughts but with love and emotions.

Since love has no form, when there is a lot of love in dreams, they come true quickly, and the details don’t matter.

When there are many thoughts and little love in dreams, the form becomes very important, and the slightest deviation from the plan creates dissatisfaction and aggression.

Thus, you cannot create an ideal of a non-drinking, intelligent, kind, handsome husband and live by that ideal. It will inevitably lead to aggression.

You need to tell yourself:

«If I love him, I will love him with all his flaws and virtues, no matter how he is.»

Everything begins with Divine love and ends with human love. True Divine love depends on nothing.

And if your husband becomes disabled, impotent, a scoundrel and villain, if he betrays you, leaves you for another woman, dies, or grows old—you will still love him with the same strength.

He will be the door through which you enter the world of love, and it doesn’t matter what that door looks like.

You cannot build rigid models—they are born in the mind. You need to understand that the world is unpredictable.

An interesting incident occurred when I was giving a lecture in St. Petersburg. A young man came from another city specifically to attend it.

«I’m in a critical situation,» he began to explain. «I need to graduate, but everything is falling apart. I can’t concentrate. My thoughts are scattered, and I can’t remember anything. It’s a total disaster.»

«This is your salvation,» I corrected him. «You’ve pushed aside all your emotions and started living solely through your mind. Career, your degree, and intellect have become your ultimate goals.

If you got your degree, you might have gone insane afterward or developed some other serious illness that would block your strong focus on ideals and spirituality.

Try living through your feelings.

Reevaluate your attitude toward your career and degree. Work on yourself, attend the lecture, and come see me afterward.»

When he came to me after the lecture, I saw a picture much worse than before.

«During the lecture, all processes speed up dramatically,» I told him. «If you’re working correctly, there’s a sharp improvement, but if you maintain a wrong orientation, even partially, you start actively destroying yourself.

You began to pray, to release resentments and dissatisfaction with others and yourself. But your rigid view of the world hasn’t changed. You’re clinging with all your might to the mental schemes you’ve created.

You are still living in your thoughts, and when the mind is placed ahead of emotions, it becomes aggressive.

Understand this—the world is unpredictable. A loved one is unpredictable.

They behave as God wills, and you will never understand Divine logic until you return to God and become one with Him.

Never rely on your logic or your own plans; they will always fail you. You can’t live without them, but every second, you must recognize their secondary importance.

Remember: at any moment, something completely unexpected could happen to you. You must view it not as an inconvenience but as an opportunity for the development of consciousness.

The more love you have in your soul, the easier it will be to accept any unexpected changes.

Learn to push thoughts and the mind into the background when it comes to love.»

After this conversation, the young man returned to normal.

I address the woman who wrote the note:

«Your mind is constantly giving a critical assessment of the situation, which generates aggression. Learn not to think and not to judge the situation in any way.

When something bothers you, repeat:

'Lord, Thy will be done in all things.'

Repeat this morning and evening. Let go of control over the situation.

If you can push your mind into the background, your dependence on human values will decrease, the underlying aggression toward your husband will weaken, and he won’t need to drink to survive.

I often tell people during my lectures not to strain their minds. All effort should be spent not on understanding, but on feeling.

At one of the recent lectures, someone asked why the Bible is so hard to understand.

I then shared my own story of understanding the Bible...»

S. N. Lazarev, «Diagnosis of Karma, Book 5»