Love is the dialectic of thought

The world we live in is as multifaceted as it is unified, governed by universal laws.

In the past century, people became confident that all laws had been discovered and the world was perfectly understood. But then stereotypes began to crumble.

Our ability to understand the world is deeply connected to our psyche and energy. There are things we cannot comprehend until we change and reach a new level.

Our physical, energetic, and informational structures have their limits, and our understanding of the world is tied to our state of being.

In my previous books, I spoke of new thinking—a fundamentally new level of energy. It is the ability to unite two opposing perceptions and assessments of the world.

For many readers, such a transition initially seems unrealistic. They grasp only part of the knowledge and try to follow it, but problems soon arise.

Recently, an acquaintance told me about meeting a healer who helps women who have read my books and trusted my words. These women began to fully submit to their husbands, yielding to them, and soon became uninteresting to their partners.

As the healer described it, many husbands immediately took advantage, acting selfishly. Eventually, the women exploded with frustration, began asserting themselves, and family life improved.

One woman wrote to me, saying that suppressing her emotions, grievances, and demands toward her husband led to illness and nearly destroyed her family.

People extract fragments of my teachings, apply partial knowledge like a universal key, and end up in a deadlock. This flat thinking leads nowhere.

Although I wrote in my books that resentment and grievances should never be bottled up, I also emphasized that properly expressed grievances are the right way to resolve conflicts. Without conflict, there can be no development.

Married life without conflict becomes bland and eventually deteriorates.

British researchers discovered a simple truth: spouses who argue and express their grievances to each other live, on average, 10 years longer than those who suppress their feelings.

The conclusion seems simple: don’t suppress your desires, and you’ll stay healthy and live longer.

But believing this thesis without nuance can turn someone into a criminal or a beast, as morality and legal constraints compel us to restrain aggressive and selfish actions.

The concept of the «golden mean» has become common. In reality, the golden mean involves behavior that integrates two opposites.

We might say that repressing desires is harmful and then act immorally. Or we might say repression is necessary and suffer illness.

However, if we integrate these opposites, we realize that desires should not be suppressed—they should be cultivated and developed.

When our desires align with not only our own interests but also avoid degrading or harming others, they become harmonious.

In married life, each partner has desires, and both should develop and assert them.

But rigid, selfish defense of one’s desires can demean a partner and lead to divorce.

If love resides in the soul and one is ready for compromise, desires can be fulfilled without humiliating or harming the other.

A strong grievance, at a subconscious level, equates to a desire to destroy the offender; if suppressed, this destructive mechanism turns inward.

If we understand that grievance is a primitive attempt to educate someone, we can replace it with actions that genuinely help the other person change.

In the animal world, errors often lead to injury or death. Resentment and irritation signal, «Soon I will attack you.» This means a partner's behavior is unacceptable.

But honest conversation and expressed grievances can lead to much easier resolution and change.

Many women chose to yield to and obey their husbands outwardly and inwardly.

Dialectically, one can worship only God internally and should not depend on human beings. To yield does not mean becoming dependent on another.

In martial arts like sambo, yielding to an opponent saves energy, using their weight and inertia against them.

In aikido, the principle is to avoid rigid confrontation. The technique involves yielding to the opponent’s actions and then using their energy and momentum to control and dominate them.

By yielding and submitting, a woman can achieve much more than by attacking or blaming.

Gentleness and flexibility foster positive emotions in a man, and to maintain these feelings, he becomes willing to fulfill the woman’s desires.

The stricter the control, the more superficial and noticeable it becomes—this is a masculine style.

True strategic management cannot be rigid.

Repeated gentle efforts create the feeling that one's own desires align with the will of the one who manages.

Men and women always conflict and vie for power. An intensifying conflict should lead to deeper love in the soul, greater understanding, and more profound compromise.

In everyday life, increasing conflict energy often makes spouses more aggressive. Without love, opposites either separate or destroy each other.

This leads to divorce, years of arguments, illness, or even death.

Without love, people think in extremes. They swing from one side to another, acting aggressively because they fanatically pursue one direction or its opposite.

An acquaintance told me about her sister, who, after reading my books, tried to be gentle with her husband. But he began treating her dismissively.

Then she became harsh and hysterical, fighting with him over every little thing, and their relationship improved. I said such behavior wouldn’t lead to anything good.

«Actually,» she said thoughtfully, «he respects her more now, but he also started threatening physical violence. He nearly killed her a couple of times.»

«A woman must be a woman, and a man must be a man,» I replied.

Christianity speaks of humility, which is necessary for both men and women.

But most people see it as passivity, non-aggressiveness, and suppression of desires.

True humility means refraining from complaining to God, being dissatisfied with fate, or making demands of the Divine.

One may protest against people, but never against God.

Since the soul was born with the universe, it connects us to the Creator. The soul must always maintain humility—absolute acceptance of Divine will.

But the spirit and body, interacting with the world, must be active, must embrace conflict, and must develop the skill to engage in constructive conflict.

If love and humility dwell in the soul, then strong spiritual and physical actions will always be educational, not destructive.

A simple law states: a teacher cannot change a student unless they change themselves.

To educate another, start with yourself. If your soul is ready for change, so will be the soul of the one you wish to educate.

Love always combines two opposites—attachment and detachment, pain and pleasure, gentleness and firmness.

For love to exist between a man and a woman, there must be a difference in potential.

Men tend toward firmness, decisiveness, quick results, and external submission.

Women lean toward gentleness, unity, and gradual transformation.

These differing tendencies, interacting, enrich one another.

Men are biologically inclined to strategic vision and spirituality; women prioritize tactical thinking and material concerns.

Yet in emotions, men act tactically, while women behave strategically.

In a normal family, functions are continuously divided, allowing for emotional development and preservation of love.

As long as spouses seek love, they complement one another in all matters, fostering growth through their differences. This makes them truly happy.

Years ago, when I observed men and women at the energetic level, I was struck by how similar they were. Women have 52% feminine energy and 48% masculine energy, while men are the opposite. A mere 4% difference determines gender.

Fifteen years later, I saw this confirmed by scientists.

Today, the growing masculinity in women and femininity in men indicates a decline in love.

Intense conflict can turn into mutual destruction.

The less love in our souls, the more the concept of «unisex» will develop.

For a woman to become truly feminine and a man truly masculine, both must embody opposing qualities within themselves.

In the past, nature facilitated this through external circumstances: women were compelled to appear weak, and men strong.

Constant wars and hardships forced people to believe in God and feel utterly defenseless before the Creator.

This internal defenselessness fostered love, which made men and women opposites.

As society became stable and prosperous through technological progress, the loss of love led to the blending and merging of opposites.

The disintegration of families, infertility, homosexuality, and various perversions are all links in the same chain.

S. N. Lazarev, «The Human of the Future. Raising Parents — Answers to Questions»