The Feeling of Love and the System of Priorities

A reader's question: I can't get over my ideals. I want to love a man for his spirituality and beauty. I've tried everything. It's firmly set in me.

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Sergey Nikolaevich's response: If you want to love a man for his spirituality and beauty — go ahead and love him for that. And you can also love him because he's sexy and wealthy. You can love him because he has a good job and he's assertive and intelligent. You can love him because he's kind. You can love him because he knows how to love. Because his love doesn't depend on anything.

But in the feeling of love, there should be a system of priorities. Tell me, would you love the jacket left by your beloved man when he goes to work? You'll have very warm feelings towards this jacket, but you're unlikely to call them love. You'd say you like this jacket, that it's pleasant to look at it, that holding this item brings you joy, that you feel happiness remembering that your loved one wore this jacket. But if this man changes the jacket for another, will your love die? And how would you feel about the new jacket? At first, indifferently, because it won't be associated with your loved one, but then, when the association forms, part of your love will transfer to this jacket.

Whatever and whoever we love, in reality, we love the Creator. And part of our love for Him we give to the soul of a person — like to the clothing that is worn the most. Then to the spirit, the consciousness of a person. This shell is worn for a short time — just one lifetime. Another portion of love is spent on the body of the loved one. But the body, on average, is destroyed and replaced by another every 7 years. And a part of love can even go to the jacket, which a close person changes every 2–3 years. But, whatever we love, in reality, we love God in everything. It's just that there's more of the Divine in the soul than in a jacket. And naturally, we should love the whole more than the part.

The thing is, our feeling of love follows the main direction of our life. If the material is the most important for you, you will love the rich one with money. And he will then lose that money. If it's the beautiful and sexy one — he will become uglier and impotent. If for you the most important thing is spiritual values, you will love the intelligent, assertive, capable, authoritative one. And you will turn him into a lazy, foolish, and unsuccessful person. If for you the most important thing is the soul and you will love a man because he is kind, gentle, and caring, you will turn him into a harsh, selfish, and soulless person.

But if for you, the loved one is a means to love God, if you will love the Divine, eternal part of his soul more than the transient, human one, then your beloved will be kind, intelligent, beautiful, and prosperous.

For this, first, you need to learn to love. To follow the commandments. To fulfill your desires — and to abstain. To forgive and to sacrifice. To educate with firmness and gentleness. To feel the lack of love in the soul every fraction of a second and strive for it.

When in your subconscious this process gains momentum and becomes entrenched independently, then, even if on the external, conscious level you will love only for the presence of spirituality and beauty, your love will not kill the person. And accordingly, you will not have to answer for this killing.

Sergey Nikolaevich Lazarev, «Man of the Future. Parental Education. Answers to Questions»