The Mechanism of Saving Soul and Body

Once again, a memory surfaces. We are driving to my country house. A narrow paved road ahead, a truck in front, I want to overtake it and accelerate to 120-130 kilometers per hour. My passenger suddenly shouts:

«He's turning left.»

The truck's turn signals were unusually at the top, and I hadn't noticed them. Swerving to the shoulder was impossible because of a slope and trees to the left. There was very little distance left to the truck. I slammed on the brakes, the car slowed down, the wheels locked, and we skidded towards the truck. Normally, in such cases, a person freezes and stops reacting. I had a couple of seconds left. I took my foot off the brake, stepped on the gas, and jerked the steering wheel to the right. The wheels spun, and feeling the road's grip, the car became controllable again. Like in slow motion, I saw the underside of the oncoming truck. In a fraction of a second, a dark mass rushed past just ten centimeters from the left pillar.

Fortunately, the car didn't flip, and we continued on. Now, I am extremely cautious around Russian trucks. In Russia, you have to think not only for yourself but also anticipate and calculate the actions of those around you, as they can be unpredictable. My research cannot advance without considering multiple variants and constantly developing hypotheses.

The less you depend on a situation, the more hypotheses you can create. To control a process, you need to step outside its limits. I've noticed that I often need a life-threatening situation for some new solution. I've been in car crashes or in situations where I could have been killed, especially when I was stuck and couldn't reach a new level. What's happening to me now? Paying for old sins or reaching a new level?

Actually, if you think correctly, old sins force us to reach a new level. To step into tomorrow, it's impossible to live in today. Or maybe it's just a sign that it's time to end my research? I'm ready to do it at any moment — the responsibility is too great. People periodically tell me:

«Why do you write that it's your system? Keep the mistakes to yourself, but give the system to God.»

If I knew for sure where the truth lies and where the mistakes are, I would do just that. I research, share experiences, delve into things, so I take responsibility. And hiding is not right, which is why I didn't use a pseudonym when writing my first book. Again, a pain in my lower abdomen. It's the contempt, the criticism of people due to fear of the future. Again, dizziness. I wish they'd give me a clearer hint that I need to finish and do something else.

Earlier, in critical situations, I had the opportunity to receive information through text. Mostly such information came when my behavior and worldview deprived me of the chance to survive.

The last text seemed to be like this. For several months, I struggled with a problem and couldn't solve it. I tried to get information through text and got the answer: «Think for yourself.» Usually, textual information comes from someone else's fate or mine. But lately, it's been more disinformation, without explanations. Either I'm failing, or I should forget about textual information.

I am surprised that different programs emerge. This means it's not tied to a specific event. What to do, how to pray? I continue with my current affairs, but my consciousness still calculates options. Awake and even in dreams, this process is continuous. Moreover, at night, I need to find a similar state. If I collect several such moments, I can compare them and figure something out. Wait, I remember: a month ago, before a performance in St. Petersburg, a friend called me. He was in a similar state.

«You know, I'm just falling apart," he said. "I pray, but it doesn't help. I'm just dying, and it seems, for real this time.»

Lord, how easy it is to advise another when they're in pain and you're well!

«Your state is not tied to a situation,» I explained to him. «You're over fifty, and you have a young child.»

Do you know why older parents may have sick children? Scientists explain this by the accumulation of errors in the genes. Actually, it's not errors that accumulate, but grievances. A believing and kind person will accumulate love and a yearning for God. His descendants will be talented. At the same age, a resentful, unforgiving, or despondent person may have seriously ill children and grandchildren.

Children are the magnifying glass of their parents.

«So, here's the thing,» I preempt his objections, «you're not resentful or unforgiving, but you've always been hooked on relationships, human love, higher desires. Your child is talented, the scale of his desires is large, but you've also passed on a large dependence on the higher moments of humanity.»

The more extensive our sensual happiness, the more extensive the shake-up must be. On average, can you withstand an emotional shake-up on the scale of 30 lifetimes, while your child will be shaken up to 70. Much is given, much is required. And now you're working through his future problems, his possible failure to handle a traumatic situation."

«What should I do?» asks my friend.

«You know, there comes a time when I see, understand, but can change little.»

It used to be simpler: committed a sin, repented — the illness passed. But now I see the future looming, see the scale of the shake-up, and can't give any recipes. I can only say: continue to pray for yourself and your children. Focus even more on love and unity with God. Renounce everything for a while. Completely close off fears, disbelief in yourself, and despondency.

I recounted to him the biblical parable of the foolish virgins who didn't refill their lamps with oil and were late to meet the Heavenly Bridegroom. Christ taught that a time will come for which one must prepare in advance. And he who was constantly prepared will withstand the trial. The oil in the lamp is the love in our soul. And to get through tomorrow, we must possess a certain minimum amount of love and a conscious yearning for God. This takes more than a month or a year.

An interesting thought: I have similar states before Easter. They occur in principle to everyone, I just feel it more acutely.

A curious picture: the emotions of Jesus Christ are transmitted to us. And all of us — Orthodox, Catholics, Muslims, Jews, and Buddhists — in our subconscious, prepare for the disintegration, the collapse of all life values. And this happens on a very deep level.

And if at that moment we are attuned to love, ready to renounce everything, then with each passing year we develop a mechanism for saving soul and body.

S.N. Lazarev, «Diagnostics of Karma», Book 9