One day, while browsing through the seminar discs, I heard the author himself say: «Write me letters, long ones... Tell me everything in them...»
I have advised many people to use this experience of mine, which I applied 15 years ago after searching and trying many ways to bring my soul to order.
When I was two years old, my parents wanted to divorce, but relatives stopped them, saying that there had never been divorces in our family – and there wouldn't be any. My mother endured. She endured humiliation and physical abuse. My brother was born later, and we began to hide our mother in closets and our beds from the drunken tyrant. Throughout my childhood and youth, such aggression accumulated that, in my opinion, my eyes glowed green, and I could kill with a look, just as I could generously give away money. Fate turned out that I moved to another country with my own family, and in that country, I came across the information of S. N. Lazarev, thank God.
And so it began...
For two months, I cried (literally, washing myself with tears like water) over my character, my principles, my wrong attitude towards people and situations...
The only thing that comforted me was my ability to empathize and sacrifice; from childhood, I could give everything to everyone, without asking for anything in return. It was always more pleasant for me to give than to receive, to give away than to consume.
One of the burdens on my soul was my attitude toward my father. I couldn't persuade myself to forgive him, and I understood that prayer alone wasn't the solution; something else was needed. I hadn't seen my father for five years, living in another country. So I started writing him letters...
I spread out all my childhood photos on the floor to help myself transport back to the past and began writing. Initially, they were filled with complaints (everything came back to my memory in detail, and I cried from bitterness and burning in my soul). Then the letters somehow shifted to the «understanding» category (after all, I had already read S. N. Lazarev's books), and then, I don't even know how, they became warm.
In these letters, I called my father «daddy», «dear», and I wanted to climb onto his shoulders (like on May Day). Now, tears flowed from love and warmth towards him because it's so good to understand the connection between a loved one's behavior and your own fate!
I wrote letters for three years. I never sent them. Why? Because something else was more important. As soon as I felt love for my father, he won a residence permit in the country where I live.
And if my husband behaves somewhat... not very well, I immediately explain to the children: let's look at this from another perspective, our father is our life, and his behavior reflects our inner state. How great it is to explain this to children!
Try it! Everything is possible! Thank God and Sergey Nikolayevich for the love!
I spoke with this woman. Her father could not manage to move to another country to live with his wife and restore a normal family. There were insurmountable obstacles.
After his daughter forgave him, everything changed immediately. He moved to the country where his daughter lived, and now they have a normal relationship.
By the way, one woman sent me an interesting note.
She couldn’t forgive someone for a long time, but then she imagined herself hugging him, holding him close to her heart, and asking for his forgiveness. And then everything worked out for her.
After studying many cases, I came to an interesting conclusion. Forgiveness is a change in attitude toward what happened. Those who are not used to and do not want to change cannot change their attitude. When the main goal is love, any change and any knowledge become possible. When the main goal is power, money, or status, a person will never be able to accept humiliation. When the main goal is lust, sexuality, or pleasure, accepting betrayal or offense from a loved one becomes impossible.
Many people, reading my books, tried to use them as instructions for action, without thinking that everyone has their own path.
Many diligently prayed away their grievances, making their main goal the ability not to be offended by others, understanding that this was a way to maintain health.
I would like to give everyone a simple piece of advice: to avoid being offended, behave in such a way that no one can offend you.
If you mindlessly rely on a person, put yourself in dependence on them, allow them to control your money uncontrollably, sooner or later they will offend you, that is, they will steal that money.
If a man sends his wife to a party alone and says goodbye to her: «I trust you,» sooner or later she will offend him, that is, she will cheat on him.
Love is energy. The more love we have, the more energy we must give, increasing our capabilities related to control and management of situations, to educating ourselves and others.
Many women try to maintain relationships by reproaching their loved ones for inattentiveness, suppressing them, creating an inferiority complex, constantly being jealous, and eventually end up with a divorce, that is, an offense.
They do not understand one thing: no normal man will leave a loving, attentive, caring, and capable wife. If her internal system of priorities is properly structured, he will need no one else but her.
To avoid being offended, you need to have a harmonious internal state. Through love, a person gains complete internal independence from the world. Then no one can offend you. And if you are offended, take it as a push to work on yourself. And then the offenses will disappear—they will turn into new opportunities to understand the world.
S. N. Lazarev, «Survival Experience, part 3»
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