For the past few minutes, I've been experiencing an interesting sensation. The first three hours of the journey, fatigue overwhelmed me. Poor eyesight was taking its toll, and I couldn't concentrate. After seven or eight hours, my vision improved, and I felt a surge of energy. I recall talking to a patient.
«Achieve your goals», I urged. «Learn to set tasks for yourself».
She laughed, «Many things you told me are impossible to do».
«You are absolutely right», I agreed. In your current state, it is impossible. Especially when you consider a goal unattainable. It leads to a halt in energy. However, if you do not give up on the goal, energy starts to flow in that direction, and after a while, opportunities arise, and a mechanism for fulfilling your desire begins to form. Initially, this energy is almost imperceptible. Like the mustard seed Christ spoke of. And then it accumulates and starts changing the surrounding world— from a tiny seed, a tree emerges. People who have faith can touch subtle realms and perceive events over a vast time span. They understand that everything can be changed, and anything can be achieved.
The more you are attached to material or spiritual happiness, the narrower your perception zone becomes. The picture of the world becomes static, and everything that happens seems unchanging and immutable. Your desire to change the world shatters against reality within a few minutes, and instead of nurturing, you begin to hate both the people and the world you live in.
Currently, the situation in Russia is, to put it mildly, not great. Many who encounter glaring facts feel hatred, fall into judgment, and then move to depression. They correctly feel that changing Russia is impossible. And this is true. The country cannot be changed in one day or month. The way people thought and felt a hundred years ago is how the country is now. One cannot mourn a poor harvest if little and poor sowing was done in the spring. Therefore, do not fight against today, you will never change it. Especially since tomorrow it will become the past, and fighting the past is dangerous and harmful to your health. Fight for the future, which will become the present. And our future is our thoughts and worldview. The distant future is our feelings and the overall picture of the world. What we feel today will happen to us the day after tomorrow.
I feel light-hearted and cheerful. I accelerate to overtake the truck ahead. There is a car behind it, but it does not seem to be overtaking yet. I accelerate more, and the distance between me and the truck rapidly decreases. Suddenly, I see the car behind it start to move left for an overtake.
For some reason, I’m too lazy to give her warning signals. Especially since she is moving slowly, and I realize I’ll have time to pass. And that’s exactly what happens. I speed past the car, confident that the driver sees me and will pause their overtaking maneuver. I fly past the truck and glance in the rearview mirror. The car’s driver, unhappy, flashes their high beams on and off.
Suddenly, I grasp the danger of my maneuver. Due to mere laziness and negligence at such speed, both I and the other driver could have died. It was blatant foolishness. You can’t rely on chance. You can’t rely on others. When we depend on someone, we act based on our own view of the world, but another person’s view differs from ours. That’s how accidents and disasters happen. A delayed regret arises in my soul, and I mentally apologize to the driver whom I put in mortal danger.
He didn’t actually see me, being too lazy to check the side mirror. Even a mental apology will play its role. Maybe it saved my life. Two and a half months later, the following will happen to me. At the end of August, around five in the morning, I will go to pick up relatives from the airport. I will get off track and turn around to get back on the highway.
The road will be completely deserted, and as I pull onto the highway, I won’t even look back. But I won’t make a sharp left turn; I’ll drive straight for a few seconds, gradually moving left. And at that moment, a huge truck will speed past my car, literally ten centimeters away. Another split second and a slight shift, and there would have been nothing left of me and my car but scraps. I was too lazy to look back. The truck driver was too lazy to give a warning signal with sound or lights. A miracle will happen, and I will stay alive.
Just as I remain alive now, on this deserted road in France. Despite my disregard for others and the situation. First, we sow seeds, then we reap the harvest. First comes a sense of superiority and increased self-confidence. Then comes a slight disdain for people and the world. Then what is meant to happen, happens.
I’m driving on a beautiful and deserted road. My soul is still joyful. I survived—though it was a miracle. And most importantly, I understand why I could have died. My soul is weak. Consciousness, thoughts, and my future constantly race ahead, outpacing morality and love. Well, I need to learn to take care of my soul. I need to learn to be truly happy.
S. N. Lazarev, «The Man of the Future. Raising Parents 3»
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