To feel the divine in everything

Another scene surfaces in my memory, one I didn't understand before. For several years, Jesus Christ was accompanied by His apostles. They followed everything He said, they changed, they believed in Him, yet human nature prevailed. And the best among them, Apostle Peter, denied Christ three times, fearing for his fate and his life. Yet, the thief on the cross, who was next to Jesus, attained the Kingdom of God within a few hours, meaning he experienced eternal Divine love in his soul. Why?

Perhaps because he was prepared to undergo the procedure of death, which facilitated his vision of the Divine reality. But it was not death primarily, but the real vision of the Divine that transformed his soul.

Thus, seeing Divine love in everything, if deeply and consistently felt, can cleanse the soul faster than any repentance or prayers.

To sense your Divine «self» as a reality, you need to see Divine love and will in the surrounding world continuously. Therefore, there may come a time when repentance will not suffice for a person to feel the reality of the Divine within themselves and to see Divine love in every particle of the surrounding world.

I continue to reflect and, to my surprise, notice that the pain from my kidneys shifts to my lower back. So, what is really hurting, my kidneys or my back? I recall one of my main unresolved issues—criticism and condemnation of people. The inertia of condemnation led me to a subconscious trick. I didn't judge myself but merely told others about this person's actions, expecting them to condemn him. This gave me relief and a sense of righteousness.

I realized that as long as I divide people into right and guilty, it is impossible for me to feel the reality of the Divine because the concept of righteousness is always based on a human point of reference. My thoughts slowly flow in the same direction. The pain in my lower back gradually subsides and moves lower, to the area of the sacrum and coccyx. «Interesting», I think, «so my kidney problems stemmed from my lower back? And the issues with my lower back came from the base of my spinal cord?»

I continued to lie there, think, and pray. Gradually, the pain in the sacrum began to change into some strange internal movement, then turned into a pleasant tingling and disappeared. So, the sacrum, the base of the brain, is connected with fate. And the fact that the pain passed is a good sign. It means I have a chance to overcome dependency on fate.

For some time, I lay in a lull and enjoy the absence of pain. I know that after some time this pain will return. Deeper layers connected with youth and childhood will emerge.

I remembered how, at age 12, I fell flat on my back from two meters and the wild pain in my sacrum, from which I could not breathe or move. Probably even then, in childhood, my dependency on fate was being sealed through this trauma. After some time, the layers of children and grandchildren will emerge. Then there will be troubles related to fate, then again flashes of pain.

And all this, I will slowly, gradually overcome. And all these pains and troubles no longer concern me much. They have fallen behind and turned into something insignificant compared to what I call my love for God.

S.N. Lazarev, «Karma Diagnosis 6»