Unity in the Family

A husband and wife worked together in a store. During their lunch break, the woman made a salad for her husband at his request.

The husband approached, looked at the salad — and suddenly lashed out at his wife with his fists. Later, he explained what triggered the attack: he didn’t like that she had dressed the salad with sunflower oil instead of sour cream.

The woman came to me for help. She believed her husband should see a doctor because he had psychological issues. She was boiling with indignation and was convinced the marriage was heading for a divorce.

I started to look into what had happened. It turned out that this woman often spoke to her husband in a dismissive and condescending manner.

That day, she had addressed her husband quite rudely and disrespectfully several times, and in front of other people who had come into the store.

He restrained himself the first time, the second time, the third time, and then exploded over a trivial matter. The real cause of the incident was not the salad dressing but the humiliation he had endured, which he had seemingly ignored and tolerated.

But bottled-up resentment eventually has to surface.

Our subconscious is like a storage chest. It never forgets anything.

If we allow resentment, judgment, or dissatisfaction to enter us, these emotions accumulate and eventually manifest — either as an outburst of external aggression, as illness, or in some other way.

Moreover, this inner protest, this accumulated aggression, can be passed on to children.

I explained to the woman that she had violated one of the key principles of family life.

The fact is, a family is not built on material aspects. Prosperity, housing, money, sexual gratification — all of these are, of course, important.

But the foundation of a family is the concept of the soul.

There must be soulful communication between spouses. And for the soul to feel comfortable, to strengthen its territory, it is necessary to treat each other with care.

Nobility toward one another preserves unity on the highest, soulful level.

Unity can be destroyed with a single phrase, an offensive word, or even a single gesture. And it can be very difficult to restore. When spouses argue or hurt each other, it is crucial to avoid any offensive words in those moments.

Disrespecting one another is unacceptable. Insulting one another is impermissible, as is humiliating each other in front of others or constantly speaking to a spouse in a commanding tone.

Marital love implies unity and a certain inner equality. If one spouse constantly emphasizes their superiority, the other begins to harbor an internal protest that builds up and leads to problems.

The ability to control oneself, to sacrifice personal ambitions, and to refrain from wounding another person’s soul during a conflict, not insulting or humiliating them — this is the ability to preserve a family.

The foundation of a family is soulful relationships.

S. N. Lazarev, «Secrets of Family Happiness»